i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
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Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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