so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
