so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
