We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
