9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
