Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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