I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
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