So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
