Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
