I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
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I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize