we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
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he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
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Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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