he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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