at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
