You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
