pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
You're earring is so big in my mouth
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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