I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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