why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
