I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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