did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
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i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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