just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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