ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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