this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
