this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Randomize
