I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
