she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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