dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I want to fling myself into the sun
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
