I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
