She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
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