my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize