it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
