last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
