I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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