i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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