did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize