He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Randomize
