nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
