this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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