the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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