I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
