Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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