Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
