Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Randomize
