he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
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