We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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