Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
