Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
