can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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