Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I got inside last night via doggy door
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
