i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
A bitchslap is in order.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
