I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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