Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
