dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
