Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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