just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I'm gonna fight the coyote
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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