you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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