Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
