mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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