I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
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Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
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No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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